i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
