Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize