I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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