She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
