I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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