New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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