The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize