its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If I die, sorry about rent.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
