but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
