Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
