I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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