I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You're a waste of cheezeits
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
