Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
