You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
