If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
