I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
