Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
