He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
