"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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