So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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