Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
