Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Randomize
