Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
