I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize