Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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