D3 body, D1 cock
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
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