ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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