If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
