I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
