If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize