Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
