it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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