we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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