Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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