I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
