How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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