Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
