I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
