you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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