Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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