All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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