remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize