i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
