It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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