Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My liver just had a heart attack.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
