if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
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