At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize