I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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