Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
