yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
