You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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