One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
