new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
