I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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