you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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