Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
