The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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