What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
