I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
