you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
