i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
