The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
