I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
