Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
