He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
