Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just invented taco cereal.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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