she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
