I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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