is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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