i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The uberlube is also flammable
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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