Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
