if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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