We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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